more rapidly until, eventually, the water spills over into a mess. This is the image that comes to
mind when I think about families in conflict around end-of-life or estate decisions. These
conflicts develop over time, from issues that have slowly simmered, until the moments of
exhaustion, fear, guilt, and grief create so much tension that things seem out of control.
longer communicate with their loved ones. I can often hear the confusion as they wonder how
things got so bad. At this point, a nonjudgmental voice is needed to let them know their family is
not alone, nor is it especially dysfunctional. Grief strains relationships, and it is not your fault.
charged. Small disagreements escalate. Longstanding family dynamics resurface. People who
care deeply about one another may feel misunderstood, defensive, or emotionally
overwhelmed. This can be both confusing and painful.
These struggles are far more common than most people realize.
process complex information. When families are grieving, emotional capacity is already
stretched thin. Decisions about care, finances, or final arrangements add pressure at a time
when clarity is harder to access. It does not take much for conversations to get heated.
Fear and guilt often sit beneath the surface during these moments. Fear of making the wrong
decision. Fear of losing control or causing harm. Guilt about past choices, unresolved
relationships, or the feeling that one has not done enough. These experiences do not always
show up as sadness. They may appear as urgency, rigidity, withdrawal, or conflict.
From the outside, disagreements may seem to be about logistics or preferences. Inside the
family, they are often about grief, meaning, and the desire to protect what matters most.
It is important to normalize this. Struggling during end-of-life transitions does not mean a family
is failing. It means they are navigating something deeply human under extraordinary emotional
strain.
Seeking support is not a sign of failure
belief that loving families should be able to work things out privately or that asking for help
signals weakness or disloyalty. Some worry that naming conflict will make it worse or
permanently damage relationships.
to grow. Unspoken emotions can shape decisions in ways people later regret. Conversations
become more reactive and less productive, especially as stress and fatigue increase.
down, organize difficult discussions, and ensure that everyone has space to be heard. Seeking
this kind of support is not a sign of failure, but a thoughtful step toward navigating a challenging
chapter with intention and care.
About the Author
Molly Darsow
Molly Darsow has a strong background in counseling and group facilitation, providing a compassionate, professional, and insightful approach to mediation. She has extensive experience helping individuals and groups navigate dynamics, manage complex emotions, clarify their values, and achieve their goals. Molly is a qualified neutral under Rule 114 of the Minnesota General Rules of Practice. She is an active volunteer mediator with the Dispute Resolution Center and a board member of the Alternative Dispute Resolution section of the MN State Bar Association, as well as a member of the Institute for the Study of Conflict Transformation. Molly holds a Bachelor of Arts degree from Hamline University, with a focus on Conflict Studies, as well as a Master of Science in Human Services. Additionally, she has a Master’s certificate in Addiction Counseling from Winona State University. Molly is licensed by the Minnesota Board of Education and is a voluntarily retired licensee from the Minnesota Board of Behavioral Health.
