The holiday season arrives with expectations—gatherings with loved ones, expressions of gratitude, warmth and togetherness. But when you are caring for someone with a terminal illness, processing recent loss, or navigating complex healthcare decisions, Thanksgiving can feel profoundly different. While others celebrate abundance, you may be confronting absence.
While others gather joyfully, you may feel isolated in your grief. While others count their blessings, you may be counting the days you have left with someone you love.
At Empowered Endings Foundation, we understand that the holidays can be especially difficult when a loved one is struggling—or when you are grieving someone who is no longer at the table. There is often an expectation to perform, to appear put together, to participate in festivities when your heart feels heavy with loss. This disconnect between external celebration and internal sorrow can deepen feelings of isolation and sadness.
You are not alone in this experience, and your feelings are valid. This Thanksgiving, we want to acknowledge the complexity of navigating holidays during life’s most challenging chapters—and offer gentle support as you move through this season with whatever grace you can muster.
The Weight of Holiday Expectations
When someone you love is receiving palliative care or hospice care, or when you are newly grieving, the traditional markers of Thanksgiving—large family gatherings, elaborate meals, forced cheerfulness—can feel overwhelming or even impossible. The cultural pressure to be grateful, to celebrate, to participate in traditions can feel like an additional burden when you are already carrying so much.
You may be:
- Serving as a care partner while others celebrate, managing medication schedules, providing comfort care, and making difficult decisions about treatment
- Facing the first Thanksgiving without someone who was always at your table, whose absence creates a painful void in every tradition
- Watching a loved one’s health decline while trying to maintain holiday traditions that suddenly feel hollow or impossible
- Navigating family dynamics around difficult end-of-life planning conversations and advance directives that some family members do not want to discuss
- Feeling disconnected from celebration while processing anticipatory grief—mourning someone who is still alive but slipping away
- Managing the emotional weight of visiting a loved one in hospice care during what may be their final holiday season
- Struggling with the cost of hospice care and end-of-life care costs while others focus on shopping and feasting
The pressure to be thankful when you are in pain, to participate when you need to withdraw, or to hide your grief to avoid making others uncomfortable—these expectations can compound an already difficult experience. Many people report feeling guilty for their grief, as if they are ruining the holiday for others by simply being honest about their pain.
The Many Faces of Holiday Grief
Grief during the holidays is not singular—it shows up in many ways, and all of them are valid. Understanding the different forms grief can take may help you recognize and honor your own experience:
Anticipatory Grief
When a loved one is living with terminal illness, you may be grieving their future absence even while they are still present. This anticipatory grief can feel confusing—you want to cherish every moment while simultaneously preparing emotionally for loss. The holidays can intensify these feelings as you wonder if this will be the last Thanksgiving together. You may find yourself mentally cataloging moments, trying to memorize their voice, their laugh, the way they sit at the table. This awareness of impending loss casts a shadow over what should be joyful celebrations.
Active Loss and Fresh Grief
If you have recently lost someone, the holidays can feel like navigating a minefield of memories and empty chairs. Every tradition, every familiar recipe, every family joke can trigger waves of sorrow. The expectation to be over it or to move on by now adds another layer of pain. Well-meaning relatives may tell you that your loved one would want you to be happy, but grief does not follow a timeline or respond to shoulds. Fresh grief during the holidays is raw, unpredictable, and exhausting.
Caregiver Grief
As a care partner, you may be grieving the loss of normalcy, the person your loved one used to be, or your own ability to participate in holiday activities. You might feel isolated as others celebrate while you navigate the daily realities of complex care, end-of-life care costs, and difficult medical decisions. The grief of watching someone you love suffer is profound and often goes unacknowledged. Friends and family may ask about your loved one but forget to ask about you. The relentless demands of caregiving can leave you depleted, making it even harder to cope with holiday expectations.
Complicated Family Dynamics
Terminal illness and loss can reveal family tensions. Disagreements about care decisions, advance directives, or end-of-life planning can create additional stress during holidays. Some family members may be in denial, others may push for aggressive treatment when a loved one wants comfort care, and these conflicts can leave you feeling alone in your grief. Holidays force you into proximity with family members you may be in conflict with, adding another layer of stress to an already overwhelming situation.
Permission to Honor Your Experience
Before we share strategies for coping, we want to offer you something essential: permission. Permission to feel whatever you are feeling without judgment. Permission to change or skip traditions that feel too painful. Permission to say no to gatherings that will drain you. Permission to grieve during a season when others expect gratitude. Permission to take care of yourself in whatever way you need.
There is no right way to navigate holidays during grief. Some people find comfort in maintaining traditions; others need to create new ones. Some want to talk about their loved one constantly; others need silence and space. Some seek out family support and life support groups; others need solitude. All of these responses are valid, and you get to decide what feels right for you.
Gentle Strategies for Moving Through the Season
While grief cannot be fixed or rushed, these approaches may help you navigate the holidays with more ease and self-compassion:
- Set Realistic Expectations and Boundaries
Release the pressure to recreate past holidays or meet others expectations. Scale back on traditions that feel overwhelming. It is okay to order takeout instead of cooking an elaborate meal. It is okay to decline invitations. It is okay to leave gatherings early. It is okay to skip certain events entirely. Your primary responsibility is to care for yourself and honor what you are experiencing. If anyone pushes back, remember that they are not walking in your shoes, and you do not owe them an explanation for protecting your wellbeing.
- Create Meaningful Rituals That Honor Your Grief
Find ways to acknowledge your loved one without requiring yourself to participate in traditional festivities. Light a candle in their memory. Share stories about them with people who knew and loved them. Look at photos together. Create a memory book or write them a letter. Make their favorite dish. Set a place at the table for them. These small rituals can help you feel connected while honoring your grief. Rituals give grief a container and provide a sense of agency during a time when so much feels out of your control.
- Communicate Your Needs Clearly
Let family and friends know what you need—and what you do not need. If you want to talk about your loved one, say so. If you need people to avoid certain topics, communicate that boundary clearly. If you need practical help with caregiving responsibilities so you can have a break, ask for it. Many people want to support you but do not know how. Being specific about your needs makes it easier for others to help. You might say: I need someone to bring meals twice a week, or I do not want to talk about my grief at Thanksgiving dinner, or I would love company for a quiet walk.
- Seek Professional Grief Support
Grief support groups, grief counseling, and bereavement services can provide crucial support during the holidays. Connecting with others who understand what you are experiencing—whether through family bereavement programs, hospice bereavement services, or online grief support communities—can help you feel less alone. According to The Center for Grief Recovery & Therapeutic Services, grief support groups provide essential validation and community during difficult times. Many hospice care programs offer grief support services to families even after their loved one has passed. Professional grief counselors can also help you develop coping strategies specific to your situation and validate the complex emotions you are experiencing.
- Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Grief is exhausting. Caregiving is exhausting. Navigating end-of-life decisions is exhausting. Be extraordinarily gentle with yourself during this time. Rest when you need to rest. Cry when you need to cry. Withdraw when you need space. Reach out when you need connection. There is no right way to grieve, and you are doing the best you can. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend going through the same experience—with kindness, patience, and deep compassion.
- Consider Alternative Healthcare and Holistic Support
Holistic grief support can include mindfulness practices, gentle movement like yoga or walking in nature, art therapy, music therapy, or nature-based healing. Many people find comfort in alternative healthcare modalities that honor both emotional and physical aspects of grief. Acupuncture, massage, breathwork, and meditation can help release the physical tension that grief creates in the body. These approaches can complement traditional grief counseling and provide additional tools for processing loss in ways that honor your whole being.
When Financial Stress Compounds Grief
For many families, the holidays bring an additional burden: the stress of managing end-of-life care costs. The financial strain of palliative care, hospice care, medications, medical equipment, and lost income from caregiving can add tremendous pressure during an already difficult time. If you are struggling with the cost of hospice care or other end-of-life expenses, please know that resources exist and you do not have to face this alone.
Empowered Endings Foundation offers end-of-life financial assistance to families who need support accessing compassionate care. Financial burden should never prevent someone from receiving dignified, comprehensive end-of-life care. We also provide resources on understanding hospice care costs, navigating insurance coverage, accessing community support programs, and finding grants for terminal illness support. Please reach out—we are here to help.
Finding Gratitude Alongside Grief
Thanksgiving asks us to express gratitude, and this can feel impossible when we are in pain. But grief and gratitude can coexist—not as opposites, but as companions. You can be grateful for the time you had with your loved one while grieving their absence. You can be grateful for palliative care that eases suffering while mourning what illness has taken. You can be grateful for family support while acknowledging the profound loneliness of loss.
This is not about forcing positivity or looking on the bright side. It is about holding space for the full complexity of human experience—the sorrow and the sweetness, the loss and the love, the endings and the moments of connection that remain. Gratitude during grief is not about denying pain; it is about acknowledging that love and loss are inseparable, and both deserve to be honored.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
At Empowered Endings Foundation, we believe that no one should face grief, loss, or end-of-life care without support. Whether you are a family member, care partner, healthcare professional, or someone navigating your own diagnosis, we are here to help.
Our community offers:
- Free grief support groups and comprehensive bereavement resources led by experienced facilitators
- Educational workshops on navigating hospice care, understanding palliative care options, and end-of-life planning
- A compassionate online community where you can connect with others who truly understand your experience
- Financial assistance programs for families struggling with end-of-life care costs and hospice expenses
- Resources on advance care planning, living wills, power of attorney, and having difficult but important conversations
- Support specifically for care partners navigating the emotional and practical challenges of caregiving while managing their own grief
Special Event: Grief Support Through the Holiday Season
We know the holidays can be especially difficult when you are grieving. That is why we are offering a special event designed specifically to support you through this season:
Grief Support Through the Holiday Season
Facilitated by Grief Counselor Lori Krause
Tuesday, November 19 | 6:00 PM PT / 9:00 PM ET
Free on Zoom
Join grief counselor Lori Krause for a heartfelt session offering practical tools, gentle rituals, and emotional support to help you move through this season with grace. You will leave feeling seen, supported, and equipped with strategies to honor both your grief and your loved one’s memory. This is a safe space where your experience will be validated and your pain will be acknowledged with compassion. Learn more and register at empoweredendings.org/events.
Anyone and everyone is welcome. This event is completely free—our gift to support you through the holidays. No registration required; just show up as you are.
Moving Forward with Compassion
The holidays may never feel the same after loss or during the journey of terminal illness. But with support, self-compassion, and permission to honor your authentic experience, you can navigate this season in a way that feels true to where you are right now. You do not have to pretend to be okay. You do not have to perform gratitude you do not feel. You do not have to protect others from your grief.
Grief is not something to get over or push through quickly. It is something to move through—at your own pace, in your own way, with the support of people who understand. Whether you are providing care, processing loss, or navigating complex medical and emotional terrain, your experience matters deeply. Your grief matters. And you deserve to be supported with compassion and without judgment.
This Thanksgiving, may you find moments of peace amid the pain, connection amid the loneliness, and gentle reminders that you are not alone in this journey.
Connect With Us
For more resources on grief support, end-of-life planning, understanding hospice and palliative care, and navigating this difficult journey, visit empoweredendings.org.
To learn about our financial assistance programs for families facing end-of-life care costs, to join our supportive community, or to connect with our grief support resources, please reach out. We are here for you during this difficult season and beyond.
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