What to Say to the Care Team
Why Families Struggle With These Conversations
When serious illness enters the picture, families often know what they need—but not how to say it. Asking for palliative care, requesting respite support, or leading a family meeting can feel intimidating, especially in clinical settings where emotions run high.
At Empowered Endings Foundation, we believe that language is power. Having the right words not only eases difficult conversations but also reduces delays, clears up misunderstandings, and builds trust with providers. This blog gives you a scripts to tap into as you need them: practical, word-for-word examples you can adapt to your own situation.
How to Ask for Palliative Care
Many families hesitate to bring up palliative care because they confuse it with hospice—or worry that doctors will interpret it as “giving up.” In truth, palliative care can begin at any stage of illness and often improves both quality of life and emotional well-being for both the patient and care partners. Here are scripts to make the ask clear and respectful:
With a physician during an appointment
- “We’d like to explore palliative care options alongside treatment to help manage symptoms and coordinate care. Can you refer us to a palliative care team?”
In a hospital setting
- “My loved one is struggling with pain and stress. Could we request a palliative care consult while we’re here to improve comfort?”
With a specialist (oncologist, cardiologist, neurologist)
- “We value your expertise on treatment. At the same time, we’d like support for symptom management and planning. Could you connect us with a palliative care provider who works with families like ours?”
If you face pushback
- “We understand palliative care isn’t hospice—it’s about quality of life. We’d like to include that layer of support now, not just later. Can you help us set it up?”
Scripts for Requesting Respite Care Support
Respite care — short-term support that provides care partners or caregivers with a much-needed break — is one of the most underutilized forms of support. Whether for a few hours, a day, or longer, it ensures that your loved one continues to receive safe, compassionate care while you step away to rest, recharge, or attend to your own needs. Families often wait until they’re burned out before asking for help. Here’s how to phrase the request early, without guilt:
With a healthcare team
- “Caring for my loved one is becoming overwhelming. Could you explain what respite care support options are available through hospice, palliative care, or community programs?”
With siblings or family members
- “I need a break this week. Could you step in for a few hours on Thursday? Think of it as our version of respite care—it keeps me steady so I can keep caring.”
With a social worker or case manager
- “We’ve heard about respite services but don’t know what’s covered. Could you walk us through what Medicare or local nonprofits provide?”
Respite is not a weakness. It’s prevention—protecting both caregiver mental health and patient safety.
Family Meeting Script for End-of-Life Planning
Family meetings can be some of the hardest conversations to initiate. Emotions run high, roles feel unclear, and disagreements can stall progress. Yet bringing everyone together creates a chance to share information, align on care decisions, and ensure no one feels left out or overwhelmed. A structured script helps keep the focus on values, clarity, and teamwork.
Opening the meeting
- “Thank you all for being here. I know this isn’t easy, but it matters that we talk openly. The goal today is to make sure we understand our loved one’s wishes and align on how we can support them.”
Centering values
- “Before we get into details, can we each share what we believe matters most for [Name]—comfort, independence, spiritual support, staying at home, or something else?”
Confirming decision-makers
- “Does everyone know who has Power of Attorney for healthcare? Let’s make sure that’s clear so there’s no confusion in a crisis.”
Clarifying care goals
- “Are we all aligned that [Name] wants to focus on quality of life? That means fewer hospital visits and more time at home when possible.”
Closing the meeting
- “We may not have solved everything today, but we’ve started. Let’s write down our decisions, assign next steps, and agree to meet again in two weeks.”
This family meeting script is a helpful first step for sharing and discussing an advance care plan, and it also aligns with the process outlined in the End of Life Planning Certification.
Scripts for Anticipatory Grief and Mental Health
Caregivers and care partners often need language not just for providers, but for themselves—for admitting when grief or stress feels overwhelming or unbearable. Finding the right words can ease isolation and open the door to support. Here are ways to break the silence:
With a doctor
- “I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety and sadness about what’s ahead. Can you connect me with a counselor who supports caregivers?”
With friends or community
- “I may not always have energy to talk, but I’d appreciate check-ins or company. This is heavier than I can handle alone.”
With your loved one
- “I’m scared about what’s coming, but I want you to know my focus is on your comfort and dignity.”
Naming emotions doesn’t make them bigger. It makes them manageable.
Values Statement for End-of-Life Planning (Template)
When it comes to planning, care, and quality of life, understanding values is key. They serve as the compass that guides decisions—especially when situations change or disagreements arise. Sometimes the most powerful script is one you create together and creating a values statement can put what matters most into words, helping everyone—from loved ones to medical teams—make choices that truly align with your priorities, guiding decisions when situations change or conflicts arise.
Here’s a template you can adapt:
“In making decisions, our family values comfort, dignity, and quality of life over aggressive interventions. We prioritize being at home, honoring cultural and spiritual traditions, and supporting both patient and caregiver well-being. Any medical choice should reflect these priorities.”
This statement can be read aloud in family meetings, included in advance directives, and shared with medical teams.
Advance Care Conversation Starters
Families often delay planning until a crisis forces their hand—when choices feel rushed and stress is highest. Starting these conversations earlier creates space for clarity, calm, and care that truly reflect what matters most. Use these scripts to start conversations earlier:
- “I know we’re not in a crisis right now, but I’d feel better if we talked about what matters most to you should things change.”
- “Have you thought about whether you’d want to be at home or in the hospital if your health declines?”
- “I came across the idea of an advance directive—can we look at one together?”
Starting “too soon” is always better than too late.
FAQs: Scripts and Care Conversations
How do I ask for palliative care without sounding negative?
Be clear and positive: “We’d like a palliative care consult to support comfort and family needs alongside treatment.”
What’s the difference between respite care and hospice?
Respite is short-term relief for caregivers. Hospice focuses on end-of-life comfort care. Many hospice programs include respite services, but respite can also be used earlier.
What do I say in a family meeting about end-of-life care?
Start with values (“what matters most”), confirm decision-makers (POA), and align on care goals. Use our family meeting script as a guide.
How can a values statement help?
It anchors decisions when emotions run high. Providers respect written statements that clarify comfort, dignity, and quality-of-life priorities.
Protecting Patients and Care Partners Through Language
Words don’t solve everything—but they create openings. A request phrased with clarity can unlock support you didn’t know was available. A family meeting guided by a script can prevent years of conflict. And a values statement can keep decisions aligned with dignity, even when times are hard.
Join the Free Community
Want more scripts, checklists, and real-time support from caregivers and professionals who understand?
Join the Free Community Today ⟶
Inside, you’ll find conversation templates, expert sessions, and peer guidance—so you’re never left searching for words alone.
References
- National Institute on Aging. What Are Palliative Care and Hospice Care?. Updated February 2021.
- National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. Facts and Figures: Hospice Care in America. 2023 Edition.
- World Health Organization. Palliative Care Fact Sheet. Updated August 2020.
- Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services. Medicare Hospice Benefits. Updated January 2023.
